im fine!!

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'"asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the.."

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question? Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?

Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie".

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.

I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said "How are you feeling?" "Now what the hell would you say?"

No stoping!!

True story from Sweden some might enjoy....... After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The downtown luxury apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love so he asked the wife to move out and then he would buy her another place. The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things. While he was gone, the first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit Dining table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. The husband came back, with his new girl, and all was bliss for the first few days. Then it started; slowly but surely. Clueless, the man could not explain why the place smelled so bad. They tried everything; cleaned & mopped and aired the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned, Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in, the carpets were replaced, and on it went. Finally, they could take it no more and decided to move. The Moving company arrived and did a very professional packing job, taking everything to their new home. Including the curtain rods. Thanx to Connie C.

honest woman

It's a wife's job to listen to her husband...

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.

Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket." She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

Lil Leroy

<span>>>Li</span><span>

ttle Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making

>>dinner.

>>

>>His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time

>>to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my

>>birthday."

>>

>>Little Leroy was a bit of a troublemaker.

>>He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

>>Leroy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a

>>bike for his birthday. Little Leroy, of course, thought he did.

>>

>>Leroy's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect

>>on his behavior over the last year and write a letter to God and

>>tell him why he deserved a bike for his birthday

>>

>>Little Leroy stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to

>>write God a letter.

>>LETTER 1:

>>Dear God:

>>I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike

>>for my birthday. I want a red one.

>>Your friend,

>>Leroy

>>

>>Leroy knew this wasn't true.

>>He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the

>>letter and started over.

>>

>>LETTER 2:

>>Dear God:

>>This is your friend Leroy.

>>I have been a pretty good boy this year, and I would like a red

>>bike for my birthday.

>> Thank you,

>>Leroy

>>

>>Leroy knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and

>>started again.

>>

>>LETTER 3:

>>Dear God:

>>I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red

>>bike for my birthday.

>> Leroy

>>Leroy knew he could not send this letter to God either, so he

>>wrote another letter.

>>

>>LETTER 4:

>>Dear God:

>>I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.

>>I will be a good boy if you just send me a red bike for my

>>birthday.

>> Thank you,

>>Leroy

>> Leroy knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to

>>get him a bike.

>>

>>By now, Leroy was very upset.

>>He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go to

>>church.

>> Leroy's mother thought her plan had worked because Leroy looked very

>>sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," his mother said.

>>

>> Leroy walked down the street to the church and up to the altar.

>> He looked around to see if anyone was there.

>>He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary.

>>He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down

>>the street, into his house, and up to his room.

>>

>>He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper

>>and a pen.

>>

>>Leroy began to write his letter to God.

>>

>>LETTER 5:

>>I GOT YOUR MAMA.

>>

>>IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.</span><span> </span>

Naija Mahn!

A very successful Nigerian Man in Holland parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The man immediately grabbed his cell phone, called the cops, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the Nigerian man started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it. When the man finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you Nigerians are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the Nigerian man. The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you.""My God!" screamed the man. "Where's my Rolex?